Lucky Brand top (under $70) and denim | Forever21 sandals | Givenchy Bag
Similar earrings here and here | DY ring
Good morning! I hope you all had a great weekend and an even better start to your week. This was a tough blog post for me because I’m not typically one for sharing much about my personal life, but I know it will be helpful to share. Not just for my own sanity, but for yours as well. This post may help some of you in one way or another.
Something that many of you don’t know about me is that I have an anxiety problem. It’s something I’ve managed for a long time but have really struggled with over the past few months. Unfortunately, one of the biggest sources of my anxiety is my blog. When I created Lilly & Grant four years ago, I wanted to share my style as inspiration to other women, and I did it for fun. Simply that. I didn’t start blogging for any other reason. I wanted to take the pictures, write the words, create the posts, and grow my blog because it was incredibly fun and something I enjoyed doing every day. Eventually, L&G grew into a full-blown business and I still had fun. It involved more work, mainly coming home from my full-time day job to basically a second full-time job, but I still loved it completely.
However, I have struggled with maintaining that attitude over the past few months. My blog slowly became a chore instead of something I looked forward to working on every free second that I had. Honestly, it was a combination of being stretched for time and feeling discouraged after so many big shifts made in the blogging world, like the Instagram algorithm change. For weeks I questioned whether or not this was something I wanted to keep doing and let myself get worked up over the smallest things.
It wasn’t until two weeks ago, when Ed and I sat in my car for two hours in the parking lot of a mall, that I realized what was happening. After sobbing for ten minutes and saying things like, “What am I doing wrong?” and “Why am I not good enough?” Ed asked me something that actually took me by surprise. Instead of patting me on the back and telling me everything would be okay, he asked, “Why did you start blogging in the first place?” I told him it was because I loved it. Then he said, “Do you still feel that way?” In that moment I was the most honest I had been with myself in months. The answer was no, I hadn’t felt that way in a while. Then he said, “Then give yourself a break until that changes. Don’t make yourself miserable, the world will keep on turning if you don’t post anything for a few days. But don’t do it until you actually WANT to, not because you feel like you HAVE to.”
He was right. My motives for blogging had completely changed and it was time for me to reset. So, I did! I had no idea how long it would take, but I gave myself a break. It took two weeks until I said to Ed, “It’s gorgeous outside, let’s go take some pictures!” The smile on my face in these photos is a genuine one, because I was truly happy to be doing what I loved again.
What did I do with two weeks? I replaced the time I would have spent worrying with things I loved doing – exercising, reading, sleeping more (yes, I LOVE to sleep), and spending more time with my family and friends. Once I made room for more of the things I enjoyed, I started to miss what I truly loved about blogging: Putting together outfits, creating content, shooting photos on gorgeous days, and spending time with my business partner and love of my life. I started blogging again because I loved it, and that’s what was missing all along.
All of this to say, if you struggle with anxiety, give yourself a break. It’s okay to stop trying to do everything at once. Take time to relax, enjoy the things you love the most, and just live. You will do yourself a huge favor.
xo Jenna
